siga siga

So I went to the pool today with Hilary. it was nice to see her, and have someone to hang out with at the pool. We talked about lots of different stuff - especially since some things happened in her life recently. But its got me thinking these days

• As Leilani soon arrives, I realize there are people I want in her life, and people I dont. And thats sad to me that it took my daughter to clear these toxic people out of my life. When I text you with a medical question I know you have an answer too and you dont text me back for days, and just ignore the question...Obviously your not someone I need around. I was scared and needed someone to talk to and was depending on you - and I saw tht Im not important enough to even get a response.
• I absolutly hate not having a car!!! I wish I had a car because I would probably see more of my friends. And Im just missing them, especially now before Leilani arrives. Because I know life will change when she comes, and I hope I can still see them. Now dont get me wrong, I am so excited for what life will bring with Leilanis arrival. And I know the change of my life will be for the better...but I hope I ahve my friends to enjoy it with. And I know I will, but a baby is just something that changes everything.
• I miss spending time with Hilary. She is busy, and Im just to tired these last few weeks. But ever since 2004 weve been friends, best friends; and we went through alot together. And we may have our good times, and we may have our bad times - but she is still my sister and I miss her!
• I miss being apart of the sorority I met Hils in - Phi Sigma Sigma. I wasted to much time trying to fix thing with my terrible mistake of a boyfriend that I missed out on so much fun with those girls. I miss so many of them, and wish I was still friends with them like I am hilary

Im currently watching True Life - Im in a Jealous relationship and it just reminds me of my relationship with that "big mistake". It makes me mad that I stuck with him, almost settled, and ruined my life at the time being with him. However, it gave me a prespective on life. It taught me what I do and do not want in a relationship...and it lead me to Josh. I cant believe how my life is now. I am happily married and about to have our child - which I didnt see happening at any point in my life. I honestly thought I would not find that person for me, and that I would probably end up settling. All the while, if I had not been so scared of mr mistake - I could have gotten up the nerve to talk to my sexy neighbor and I would have had Josh to save me from mr mistake! We would have been going on 5 years instead of 2. But either way, life still lead me to Josh and I am rediculiously happy.

Things are tough and Life keeps changing. Nothing is the same as it once was. But as much as I miss my friends, I do not miss my old life. I am happy with Josh, excited for Leilani and content with life.

6 weeks to go =)